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I nearly rear-ended the pickup in front of me. No, I was not being prudish nor voyeuristic; rather, I realised that after 10 years in Thailand, that was the first time I'd spotted anybody kissing in public. It's a cultural thing. In Australian culture we too have some things we are not meant to do in public. Picking your nose, for example.

Oh, sniff me, you fool!

Kissing, though, is OK. I once watched a man sitting with his wife on a bus as he picked his nose, carefully examined the contents on his fingers, then flicked it out into the crowded street. The three-step process took a good minute to complete. Now imagine if he spent that one minute kissing his wife instead.


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This is also apparent in Thai TV dramas. Strangely, when we farang perform the heinous act, be it in a Holywood movie or HBO series shown on local TV, it is not pixelated. We swinging Westerners are morally depraved anyway. Stopping us is a lost cause. Not being able to kiss, let alone have sex, on TV dramas must cause all sorts of headaches for producers, since Thai soapies revolve around sex-hungry men and nymph-like women willing to sleep their ways to the top, then to the bottom, then to the top again. How do they get around that? The ever-resourceful Thais have invented another way of showing affection in place of the kiss.

Jonathan Swift - I wonder what fool it was that first

It's called horm gaem in Thai, and the literal translation is ''sniff the cheek''. It is seen as a little more delicate, a little less up close and personal than the interlocking of lips. Last week, I watched a scene on a local soap where the starlet, playing the role of a university student, was cornered by three evil thugs with lily-white skin and Korean-style haircuts. Being a thug requires some acting ability, so the producers decked these guys out in tattoos and silver chains to save them the ordeal of having to emote.

One of the thugs started to attack the girl. Grabbing her arms and pinning her down, he brought his head to hers and So even a sex-crazed thug remains polite in his crime. In his critical moment of unbridled passion, he went for the sniff.

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Would you show Bob out and send Elizabeth in? He clubbed her and dragged her off to the cave. She hated him.

He washed her face, untied her, and gave her the last meat from the fire. That was better. Hungry himself, he licked her greasy fingers, then her face. His lips brushed hers, paused, touched again.

Why Do We Kiss?

Tomorrow, he would kill meat for her. Five generations of Burkhardts lived and died here. Their tombstones overlook the pond.


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  4. Marriage is wonderful. Jennifer Aniston. My discrepancy with children in the industry is that they are made famous before they know who they are as human beings. Corey Feldman. Style is not something applied.

    “Lord! I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.” – Jonathan Swift

    It is something that permeates. It is of the nature of that in which it is found, whether the poem, the manner of a god, the bearing of a man. It is not a dress. Wallace Stevens.

    Fool Such As I, A; The Gal Who Invented Kissing

    I'm eating a lot of organic proteins and vegetables! Maintaining a healthy, balanced diet is my No. Lily Aldridge. After all, the chief business of the American people is business. Calvin Coolidge. I have sons, and they have never said the word hell in front of me or my wife.