Oh forget it. Actually, I'm astonished you even managed to travel as far as your front door. Terms and Conditions. Style Book. Weather Forecast. Accessibility links Skip to article Skip to navigation.
Wednesday 10 July Broken a nail abroad? Ask a WAG for help. By Bryony Gordon. What to do if BA loses your luggage Don't panic girls!
A WAG Abroad by Alison Kervin - Read Online
Reading material When me and Jermain go away on our holidays we often take a variety of reading material to while away those lazy days on the beach, where we are not at all aware of the paparazzi hiding behind the palm trees. Be aware of the locals Everyone says that people abroad don't speak much English, but I often find they speak more than me and Jermain put together. It was nesting between the Shakespeare and the Gibbon.
My friend told me it was a favorite of the mistress of the household and that not even the dogs dared disturb it. They are a people of a different stomach, these Celts. But my guts were Anglo-Saxon guts, and they felt sick. The bus jostled on the motorway like a horse galloping on the beach at Galway Bay, and all at once I knew I wasn't going to make it to Sligo. Don't get me wrong.
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I'm all for that pastoral feeling. I kid you not.
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I mean, if anyone knows shoes, I do. Imagine that! Her brave battle reminds me of my own search for Marc Jacobs pink-and-white diamond-encrusted wedges a few years ago. I found them eventually, after hiring a team of crack shoppers and personal stylists. He hits a big red button on the machine and screams for assistance. It reminds me of my husband Dean when I last took him to the dentist.
Shoe-bomb woman howls as a major alarm wails through the airport, and people in uniform come tearing across from all directions, many of them armed.
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Three policemen with vicious-looking dogs are sprinting towards me. Those who are still standing hurl themselves onto the floor. Does he have no idea how hard it is to get hold of Chloe four months before it hits the catwalk? Not funny at all, actually. Not in the least. My sense of humour deserted me entirely as I was forced to endure the horror of a strip search conducted by a woman with no highlights and bad taste in knitwear. Then she sat upright. I think the stars and stripes flag looks great.
I gave her the name of the beautician whose handiwork with sequins, glitter and jewels she was admiring, and continued to dress. Is it for a special occasion? The woman smiled and took off the gloves, flicking the glitter off them as she did so and removing an electric blue star from one of the fingers. Have you not seen all the films? Everyone carries a gun out there.
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What if a baddie is on the flight and tries to take control of the plane and crash it into Disneyland or something? If none of us has any weapons, what are we supposed to do? Let him fly us to certain death? I was rubbing the tips of my fingers together as I spoke.
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It helps to calm me down. I thought Mr Matthews could do with trying it, the poor bloke looked as if he was going to explode. The gun was a beautiful accessory. It had an exquisitely carved wooden handle. What a bloody fuss! If I was going to start bringing down aeroplanes, would I have put the weapons in my hand luggage? Dean and Pask went tearing through to the departure gate in their comfy flat shoes and matching Luton tracksuits. I did more sliding than dashing as I teeter, teeter, clatter, clattered across the shiny slippy floor in my inch high heels.